Alright kittens. Here is a fairytale for you!
It's called The Three Billy Goats Gruff.
Baaa!
So one time, there were three billy goats,
There was Billy Sr.
His son, Billy Jr.
And his grandson, Billy III
Three generations of billy goats named Billy!
And their last name was Gruff.
Being billy goats, they LOVED to eat grass.
They even ate the dandelions in the grass,
which I personally find kind of yucky.
Well, one day
they had finally eaten all the grass in their small field.
Which was okay for about fifteen minutes...
Then, they were hungry again!
Well, wouldn't you know
across the way, over a very large canyon, was a beautiful field,
tall, lush grass just blowing in the wind.
The only way to get there
was to travel across a very,
very,
VERY long bridge.
A wobbly bridge.
And it was dangling
100,000 feet above a gulch!
It was quite terrifying.
But the Billys were hungry, and so they decided to try and cross it.
Billy Jr, why don't you go first? For you are much lighter than I am,
and we need to make sure the bridge is safe.
Baaa
Well, Billy III is much smaller than ME.
Why don't YOU go across first?
Ba!
NARRATOR: Billy III was a good son, and a GREAT grandson.
Well, actually a very good grandson
because a great grandson means something else.
But anyway, he agreed.
The bridge was long and treacherous,
which means scary, because it was very wobbly.
But, he did pretty well.
Until he got right in the middle,
where he met a troll!
And as we all know,
trolls LOVE to eat goats!
Especially goats named Billy.
Uh, hey... are you a goat?
Is your name Billy?
Why yes it is!
There's 3 of us: Billy Sr, Billy Jr, and me! Billy 3.
Mmm, I'm gonna eat you now, okay?
Hold on! I'm just a wee little goat with barely any meat on my bones!
If you wait, I can go across the bridge and eat some grass for a few weeks and get BIG and juicy!
Then, I'll be even MORE delicious!
Uh...
Ok!
NARRATOR: And so, the troll let Billy III across the bridge,
AND waited for the next goat because we all know that trolls are very greedy...
and not very smart.
Once wee Billy III got to the meadow,
he knew he had to warm his dad and grandpa about the troll!
So, he flew a paper airplane back across the canyon to Billy Jr.
It said:
NARRATOR: [sighs] Little wee Billy III didn't know how to spell "troll"
So, he tried drawing one.
Oof.
Keep your day job, little Billy...
Billy Jr. was unsure what he supposed to look out for.
So, he decided to be extra careful when he crossed.
Hey! Are you a goat named Billy too?
I'm gonna eat YOU now, okay?
Whoa, whoa, hold on a second...
You should know something first:
The next goat comin' across is REALLY big and REALLY tasty.
If you eat me, you'll be too full!
Why don't you let me go ahead, and while you're eating the next goat,
I'll eat some grass and get big and tasty as him!
Um... okay!
NARRATOR: And so, the troll let him across to the big field,
where he was reunited with his son,
and they sent a paper airplane over the gulch to Billy Sr.
And it only said one word
(which Billy Jr. fortunately knew how to spell):
Grandpa Billy Sr. knew what he had to do...
He crossed the bridge,
and then he got to the troll.
Oh no! You're TOO big!
NARRATOR: And he was right!
Billy Sr. was much bigger and stronger than the troll!
Um, I'd like to try and eat you?
If, uh, that's okay...
I don't think so.
Baaa!
NARRATOR: Billy Sr. took his horns
and launched the troll off the bridge
and all the way up into outer space!
Where he could no longer bother anymore goats.
Especially goats named Billy.
And the three Billy Goats Gruff ate endless grass and dandelions for the rest of their days.
You might say the moral of the story is,
If you're a goat, don't name your son Billy!
And if you're a troll, well, get an education!
And if that doesn't work, invest in a rocket ship.
The End.
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It's kind of nice up here...